2024-08-17 Shelley - 幫助孩子們度過充滿焦慮的中學時代

 Helping children through the anxiety-filled middle school years. By Jennifer Michelle Greenberg(幫助孩子們度過充滿焦慮的中學時代)

  

THIS FALL, my oldest daughter starts middle school. In many ways, she's a confident, talented and accomplished young lady. In others, she's still a little girl. Despite her advanced drawing skills and the numerous comics she's created, her room is littered with stuffed animals and sparkles. The blankie I made for her when she was a toddler is still on her bed in its custom ary spot. She's a sensitive and quiet girl who struggles to make friends. Her interests are art and Japanese anime, and she dreams of becoming an illustrator 

and schoolteacher. But a chasm stands between her and those dreams-a deep, dark chasm called middle school and high school. I'm excited to see my daughter learn and grow, but I'm also wary of the challenges that growing up brings. I vividly remember my own middle school years: longing to fit in, yet desperate to be different; desiring independence, yet lacking the wisdom of experience. All children face these struggles to one degree or another. Peer pressure, bullies, homework, tests, loneliness

(今年秋天，我的大女兒開始上中學。 在許多方面，她是一個自信，才華橫溢，樂於助人的年輕女士。 在別人眼裏，她還是個小女孩。 儘管她先進的繪畫技巧和她創造的許多漫畫書，她的房間裏到處都是填充動物和火花。 當她還是個蹣跚學步的孩子時，我爲她做的blankie仍在她的牀上特定的地方。 她是一個敏感而安靜的女孩，她努力交朋友。她的興趣是藝術和日本動漫，她夢想成爲一名插畫家和學校老師。 但是她和那些夢想之間有一個鴻溝——一個深邃的，黑暗的鴻溝，叫做初學和高中。 我很高興看到我的女兒學習和成長，但我也對成長帶來的挑戰持謹慎態度。 我清楚地記得自己的中學時代:渴望融入，卻又渴望與衆不同;渴望獨立，卻又缺乏經驗的智慧。 所有的孩子都面臨着這種或那種程度的爭扎。 同齡人的壓力，欺負，家庭作業，測試，孤獨）

 

insecurity and fluctuating hormones make it tough to be a kid. How can we shepherd our children through these anxiety-filled years? Here are a few ways you can encourage them to trust Jesus when they're feeling anxious. Remind them that Jesus is their best Friend n Jesus is "a friend for sinners!" as an old hymn tells us. When friends fail us and foes assail us, He is faithful, loving and good. Unfortunately, sinful people will disappoint, reject and even betray us. Many of us learned this the hard  

way in middle school and high school and so will our children. But if we teach them to anchor their hearts in Jesus-building a foundation of confidence, happiness and sense of belonging in Him-then catty girls and cruel boys will have no real power to harm them. That doesn't mean their feelings won't get hurt, but it puts everything in perspective. Hurtful words can't do permanent damage when we instead listen to Jesus and who He says we are. We also need to remind our children that they don't need to worry about what other people think about them. Jesus' opinion is the only one that really matters. And He believes they were worth dying for.          

 

Remind them to talk to God .                                     

          My kids struggle with praying at school because they worry that their friends might think they're weird, or teachers might disapprove. It takes a lot of courage to be light in a dark world, so I encourage my kids to pray anyway. I also offer practical reminders and advice, such as, "You can talk to God in your head, whether you're playing, waiting in line, drawing a picture or taking a test. You can talk to Him at any time, no matter where you are or how you're feeling."        Besides building their faith and relationship with God, prayer reminds them that they are never alone. No matter how their day is going or how stressful life may feel, God is with them and is always listening.  we consistently and gently encourage our kids to talk to God throughout the day, the Holy Spirit will build their courage so they can pray in public without       worrying about what others think. 

 

（不安全感和荷爾蒙的波動使得成爲一個孩子變得困難。 我們怎樣才能讓我們的孩子度過這些充滿焦慮的歲月呢？ 這裏有一些方法可以鼓勵他們在感到焦慮時信靠耶穌。 提醒他們,耶穌是他們最好的朋友,耶穌是"罪人的朋友 ! " 一首古老的讚美詩告訴我們。 當朋友辜負了我們，敵人攻擊我們時，他是忠誠的，有愛心和善良的。 不幸的是，有罪的人會讓我們失望、拒絕甚至背叛。 我們中的許多人也遇到了這一難題在初學和高中裡，我們的孩子也會這樣。 但是，如果我們教導他們把心錨定在耶穌身上——建立信心、幸福和歸屬感的基礎——那麼，那些嬌生慣養的女孩和殘忍的男孩就沒有真正的力量來傷害他們。 這並不意味着他們的感情不會受到傷害，但它把一切都放在了正確的位置。 傷人的話不能造成永久的傷害，當我們相反地聽耶穌知道他告訴我們是誰。 我們還需要提醒我們的孩子，他們不需要擔心別人怎麼看他們。 耶穌的觀點是唯一真正重要的。 他們值得祂爲之而死。         

提醒他們與神交談。

    我的孩子在學校裏爲禱告而掙扎，因爲他們擔心他們的朋友會認爲他們很奇怪，或者老師會不贊成。 在黑暗的世界裏成爲光明需要很大的勇氣，所以我鼓勵我的孩子無論如何都要祈禱。 我還提供實用的提醒和建議，例如，"你可以在你的腦海中與上帝交談，無論你是玩，排隊，畫畫還是考試。 你可以隨時跟他說話，不管你在哪裏，或者你的感覺如何。除了建立他們的信仰和與上帝的關係，祈禱提醒他們，他們從不孤單。 無論他們的日子過得如何，或生活多麼緊張，上帝與他們同在，並且總是傾聽 。當我們始終如一地溫柔地鼓勵我們的孩子整天與上帝交談時，聖靈會建立他們的勇氣，使他們可以在公共場合祈禱，而不必擔心別人的想法。）

 

Be emotionally present                                                

 

      As busy parents who work all day, we can find it hard to be emotionally present for our kids in the evenings. It's all too easy to rush through dinner, speed-clean the kitchen and hustle our kids through their homework and chores. Then we may zone out in front of the TV or mindlessly scroll through social media before herding everyone to bed. If our kids feel we're not emotionally available, they may hesitate to interrupt us if they had a hard day or have something on their minds that they need to talk about. They might conclude that giving us space and doing their homework and chores are more important to us than their feelings. So let's find ways to avoid that scenario.                                

       One thing I try to do is ask my kids questions. On the drive home from school or during dinner as a family, I'll say, "How was your day? What did you do? Who did you play with at recess? What did you eat for lunch?" Most days, their answers are the same, but my goal is to be emotionally present and show them I'm genuinely interested in their lives. If my kids are bullied, I want them to know their mom wants to hear about it. When they get a questionable text, see an inappropriate photo or are snubbed by a friend, I want to be the first person they tell. Offer an escape route                                                Kids can become anxious and depressed for any number of reasons. They may feel trapped in 

circumstances at home, school or church, or in relationships and social situations. When this happens, they may not know what to do or how to get help. This can lead to behavioral problems or even despair. As parents, we can offer our kids an escape route by helping them explore options. Just knowing they have options may help calm anxiety and restore hope. I frequently remind my daughter, "If you don't like middle school, we can homeschool." Or, "If you have trouble finishing your homework, I'll sit with you while you do it." This lets her know she isn't trapped, since she always has options. We need to assure our children that no situation is hopeless and nothing is impossible with God. When we turn to Him for answers, He will help us find a solution.

（情感不缺席的父母

     作爲整天工作的忙碌的父母，我們可以發現晚上很難爲我們的孩子提供情感上的禮物。 匆匆忙忙地吃完晚飯，快速打掃廚房，催促我們的孩子完成他們的作業和家務，這太容易了。 然後我們可能會在電視機前呆呆地滾動社交媒體，然後讓每個人上牀睡覺。 如果我們的孩子覺得我們在情感上不可用，他們可能會猶豫打斷我們，如果他們有困難的一天，或者他們有什麼需要談論的。 他們可能會得出結論，給我們空間，做他們的作業和家務對我們來說比他們的感受重要。讓我們找到避免這種情況的方法。                                

 

    我想做的一件事就是問我的孩子問題。 在放學回家的路上，或者作爲一家人一起吃飯的時候，我會說:"你的一天怎麼樣? 你做了什麼？你休息時跟誰玩了？ "你中午吃了什麼？" 大多數時候，他們的答案都是一樣的，但我的目標是在情感上存在，並向他們展示我對他們的生活真正感興趣。 如果我的孩子被欺負，我想讓他們知道他們的媽媽想聽這件事。 當他們收到可疑的文本，看到不合適的照片或被朋友冷落時，我想成爲他們告訴的第一個人。 提供逃生路線 孩子可能會因爲各種原因而變得焦慮和沮喪。 他們可能會覺得被困在裏面 無論是家庭、學校或教會，或人際關係和社會狀況。 當這種情況發生時，他們可能不知道該做什麼或如何獲得幫助。 這可能會導致行爲問題，甚至絕望。 作爲父母，我們可以通過幫助孩子探索選擇來爲孩子提供逃生路線。 僅僅知道他們有選擇可能有助於平息焦慮並恢復希望。 我經常提醒我的女兒，"如果你不喜歡中學，我們可以在家上學。 或者，"如果你有困難完成作業，我會在你做的時候和你坐在一起。 這讓她知道自己沒有被困住，因爲她總是有選擇的。 我們需要向我們的孩子保證，沒有任何情況是無望的，在上帝面前沒有什麼是不可能的。 當我們向他尋求答案時，他會幫助我們找到答案。）

 

Set the joy of eternity before them                             

 

     One of my favorite games to play with my kids is asking them questions about what it will be like to spend eternity with Jesus. This fallen world, where friends gossip, bullies upset us, tests are stressful and teachers get grumpy, isn't forever. We have a destination that's free of fears and worries! This life is just for a season, and one day, Jesus will wrap us in His loving embrace. Nurturing a heavenly perspective can keep our kids from drowning in the day-to-day monotony of life. Fixing their eyes on Jesus and the joy set before them is a powerful remedy for anxiety. Jennifer Michelle Greenberg is a speaker and author. Her most recent book is Defiant Joy: Find the hope to light your way, even in the darkness. Jennifer helps church leaders identify abusers and offers support to the hurting. She and her husband, Jason, have three girls.

(將永恆的喜悅擺在他們面前

     我最喜歡和孩子們一起玩的遊戲之一就是問他們關於與耶穌共度永恆會是什麼樣子的問題。 這個墮落的世界，朋友閒聊，欺負我們，考試壓力大，老師脾氣暴躁，不是永遠的。 我們有一個沒有恐懼和擔憂的目的地! 今生只爲一個季節，有一天，耶穌會用他慈愛的擁抱包裹我們。 培養天堂般的視角可以防止我們的孩子淹沒在日常生活的單調中。 把目光投向耶穌和擺在他們面前的喜樂，是治療焦慮的有力良藥。

Jennifer Michelle Greenberg是一位演講者和作家。 她最近的一本書是《勇敢的喜悅:尋找希望照亮你的路，即使在黑暗中。 詹妮弗幫助教會領袖識別施虐者，併爲傷害者提供支持。 她和她的丈夫傑森有三個女兒。

 

Ps.  Recognizing the difference

Do you know the difference between fear and anxiety?

 

Fear focuses on the present—what’s going on right now. It’s the natural human response to a dangerous situation that’s real at this exact moment. Fear sees what is. It causes adrenaline to surge through your body, providing the energy needed to take immediate action to protect yourself (known as flight or fight). Fear can motivate you to do what’s necessary to survive a crisis. It serves a real purpose in a situation of danger.

 

Anxiety is rooted in the imagination and focuses on the future—what might or might not happen.

 

What if my brother or sister is in danger?

What if a person shows up at my school with a weapon?

What if the plane crashes?

Rather than providing energy for flight or fight, anxiety causes tension and irritability, keeps you awake at night, gives you stomach pain and headaches, and prevents you from enjoying daily life. Anxiety does not serve a real purpose. It only steals your peace.

 

Imagine it’s a quiet morning at school and you’re feeling calm. Then you hear some kids in the hallway talking about a lockdown that took place at another school last week. You feel yourself starting to tense up. Your mind starts racing. What if someone calls and threatens my school? What if something horrible happens during our student assembly? Anxiety has quietly replaced your present calm with a feeling of dread that something bad may happen in the future.(認識差異

你知道恐懼和焦慮的區別嗎？

 

恐懼集中在現在 - 現在正在發生的事情。 這是人類對危險情況的自然反應，在這個確切的時刻是真實的。 恐懼看到了什麼。 它使腎上腺素通過你的身體激增，提供立即採取行動保護自己所需的能量（稱爲飛行或戰鬥）。 恐懼可以激勵你做一些必要的事情來度過危機。 在危險的情況下，這是有目的的。焦慮植根於想象力，並專注於未來 - 可能發生的事情或可能不會發生。

如果我弟弟或妹妹有危險怎麼辦？

如果一個人拿着武器出現在我的學校怎麼辦？

如果飛機墜毀怎麼辦？

焦慮不是爲飛行或戰鬥提供能量，而是引起緊張和煩躁，讓你晚上保持清醒，給你帶來胃痛和頭痛，讓你無法享受日常生活。 焦慮並不能達到真正的目的。 它只會竊取你的和平。

 

想象一下，這是一個安靜的早晨在學校，你感覺很平靜。 然後你聽到走廊裏的一些孩子談論上週在另一所學校發生的封鎖。 你感覺自己開始緊張起來。 你的思想開始奔跑。 如果有人打電話來威脅我的學校怎麼辦？ 如果我們的學生大會期間發生了可怕的事情怎麼辦？ 焦慮已經悄悄地取代了現在的平靜，一種害怕將來會發生壞事的感覺。)