2023-12-12 Dr Kin - Let me talk first!

 Parenting insight from Dr Kin Lock

"Let me talk first"

Frequently, I catch myself eager to talk over my daughter when she is talking in a conversation. This inclination may arise when I perceive her viewpoint as incorrect or differing from mine.

I sometimes entertain thoughts such as the belief that if I don't assert my perspective, I might miss the opportunity to do so. There are moments when I feel entitled to speak first as the father, or I assume superior knowledge, or perhaps impatience plays a role.

However, the inevitable outcome of inserting my thoughts in the midst of her speaking is a conversation that escalates into an argument or causes her to disengage. Such communication patterns are detrimental to understanding and the parent-child relationship.

It's worth pondering whether this dynamic applies to interactions with younger children as well. I reflect on an incident at her elementary school, where we were called in to the principal's office due to her misconduct. Instead of taking the time to hear her side of the story when she attempted to, we hastily obtained information from the principal. Consequently, she received a severe punishment.

Later, we discovered that her actions were not intentional when she answer yes to the prinicipal without knowing what intentional meant.From that incidence, she felt that we did not listen to her or protected her.

The principle of patience emphasized in 1 Corinthians13:4 comes to mind: "Love is patient." Patience involves investing time and understanding. This reminds me of the picture when the children approached Jesus. The disciples try to deter the children, but Jesus welcomed them with an open arm. What a beautiful picture. Another verse is James 1:19, advising "quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger."