2023-12-11 Kenneth - Ask before you comment!

Parenting insight from Kenneth Woo

Ask before you comment!

Recently, my wife and I had a conversation with one of our daughters about a problem she encountered, my wife was so eager to provide suggestions/recommendations to resolve her issue; instead, this came across the wrong way and she immediately shut down. 😔

As parents, when our kids come to share something with us, we always have plenty of suggestions. We are so eager to “solve” their problem because we thought we had been there. Of course, most of the time we were wrong. Our kids expressed themselves differently as they were getting older since their thoughts were getting more complex. We need to be patient and listen to what they are trying to tell us first. After hearing out about their sharing, we can simply ask if they want sympathy or advice right now. 

Especially for the older kids, they might just want to vent their frustrations and do not need more “wisdom” from us. Give them time to think through it and they will come back to us if desired. Being a parent is a lifelong role, there are many opportunities for the “teaching moment”. It will be much more effective if we choose the right time for that “moment”. Being a good listener is an essential element of good communication skills, especially with our kids. You do not want to cut off the channel of communication by making them feel that we ignore their feelings. We need to create an environment where they feel comfortable to share with you whatever they have in their mind……especially if they are in trouble.